MOST OF MY LIFE I WAS HIDING BEHIND A FACE THAT WASN’T MADE FOR ME
Yes, you heard that right.
I want to share my story with you, one that shaped who I am today. This had a huge impact on me and who I was to become. At the time I thought it was my worst enemy, but little did I know that my biggest struggle was a blessing in disguise.
Since starting my online business, I embarked on a journey of self- development and self- love. This was and still is vital to my success. And is the sole reason I can now openly share a chapter of my story. The one that changed everything.
Without a positive and calm mind, how can anyone expect to be able to bring value to others, or expect to be able to generate an income off the most publicised platform on earth… social media.
As a social media business owner and coach, I feel it’s a key element to be raw and authentic, and not to always paint the “perfect picture”. Because let’s face it, life isn’t perfect.
Yes, I try to be positive, uplifting and smile most of the time, and I do live a great life! But sometimes those little demons we thought we put to bed, peer their ugly heads.
I am only human, and I have bad days too. There are certain things that happen in life that will crush us to our core, but sometimes we have to go through the struggles to get to the triumphs.
So, I want to share more of me, the part that tore me to pieces and the part that empowered me.
As hard as it was, it made me realise that no matter how bad you may see yourself in the mirror, and how low you put your self- worth, it can be changed.
So, pull up a chair (or a wine) and let me share my story…
The face I have now isn’t the face I have always had. Literally.
Up until I was in my late twenties, I had a very bad jaw underbite. This made my chin look a lot bigger than “Normal”. It was also starting to chip away at my teeth, as my jaw never aligned together properly.
I can still remember the nasty comments while walking down the school hallways when I was in year seven, “Look how big her chin is!”
Then there were the harsh imitations of me that were a regular occurrence.
Not to mention the “She’s so skinny” comments that made me wear an extra pair of pants every day, despite the hot weather!
These were instantly imprinted in my mind. They stuck to me like glue to paper.
Sometimes I used to laugh with them, to make it look like I was okay.
Sometimes I would pretend I didn’t hear.
But inside my soul was slowly dying, I was beginning to hate Elise.
Every part of the real me was getting chipped away after every comment, and every stare.
Words can really hurt.
This went on for many years. So did frequent trips to the dentist and orthodontist to try fix the issue with braces and plates, to make it look somewhat better.
Until one day my orthodontist said, “The only way to fix this, is with Jaw Reconstructive Surgery” which basically meant breaking my jaw, shaving bones in my chin and re-aligning it back together with plates and screws.
As I was quite young at the time, my parents didn’t feel it was necessary and little did they know that the smile I was giving them was a fake one.
They didn’t know the hurt I was going through at school.
They didn’t know that I wanted to punch the mirror every time I looked at it.
I hid it well. That’s the thing with inner pain, it can easily be disguised with a fake smile and a “I’m okay”.
Years went by, the comments got less frequent as I had left school, but the scars remained.
My soul was shattered, not once did I look in the mirror and think that I was beautiful.
Then comes bad relationships, more soul crushing and well the way I viewed myself was pretty low. I didn’t love myself at all.
Then I met Josh. My now husband, and the man who changed my entire world.
He made me feel worthy again.
He gave me confidence that everything would be okay, and made me feel like I was the only person in the room.
He pushes me out of my comfort zone when I need it most.
He has shown me how magical life can be. The best bit, he loves me flaws and all! Then, and still does now.
The confidence Josh had in me then, helped me make a huge life changing decision.
I remember having multiple conversations with him about how much I hated what I looked like. And he said something so simple, yet so powerful “Well if you don’t like it, change it, I’ll love you no matter what you choose to do”.
It was then I decided to go for it. What did I have to lose? The face I hated?
I didn’t care what the cost, or how much pain I was going to go through, because the mental pain I had suffered through my entire life was much worse.
A year of planning, saving, pain and let downs, and I finally had the surgery!
Before going in to theatre, my sisters were shocked that I was so calm. But I guess that’s the thing about intuition, when you know you’re doing the right thing, you just know and all fears are pushed aside.
I wasn’t scared, I was excited!
The recovery wasn’t easy. I could only have liquids for a while, then pureed food for four months, and could only open my mouth enough to get the tip of a small spoon in.
Josh literally had to feed me! He has seen me at my worst, and stuck by me. Now that’s true love.
The pain was excruciating. I felt like I had an elephant sitting on my face for months, and looked like I had been in a bad street fight!
I have six plates and twenty- four screws in my face.
Was it worth it? YES!!
The day I got my braces off was a day I will never forget. It was the first time I had ever looked in the mirror and thought, “I am beautiful”.
Loving what I looked like was instant. But the inner scars had to heal overtime.
It has taken a year of personal development, and learning to love my soul again, to bring the confident woman back.
But it’s happened. I finally love Elise again!
I feel free to be the real me.
I am no longer hiding behind a mask that wasn’t made for me.
I am me, and I love every bit of me and my new face!
I look in the mirror now, and I smile.
I will be forever grateful for the online business I have, and the online community because not only has it set me free financially, it has also pushed me to face those inner demons I probably never would have.
When you find something that can generate an income around your passions, bring out the best version of you and help build lifelong friendships.
You have won.
And that’s honestly how I feel.
I feel I have bet every bully, every harsh comment and every self- limiting belief.
No longer will I hold back on who I want to become. And neither should you.
The opinions or judgement of others do not matter. What matters is how you view yourself, and your self- worth.
If something makes you happy, do it.
If there is anything you don’t like about your life right now, you have the ability to change it. Stop procrastinating, or letting fear hold you back.
And remember, a band-aid only covers the wound, and even when it heals, the scars still remain. So please do the inner work. Your mind is more powerful than you think.
Life is too short to be anything else but happy!
Stay true to yourself, be authentic and let the real you shine!
P.S- If any of this speaks to you, and you would love to know how I have overcome my inner demons, please reach out, I’d love to connect.